i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
