when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
