my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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