When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
