all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
