sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
