i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
