are you still at the devil's house?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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