I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
