There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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