this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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