their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
