he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
