I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
