yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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