strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
