so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
