in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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