Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
