I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
