he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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