The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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