My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
