Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
