just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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