I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
