I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
