just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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