you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
