so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
