my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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