I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
