the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
