She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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