I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
