is your mom at the bar?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
