Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
