why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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