No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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