omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
