ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize