If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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