he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You took a bar mat shot.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
