I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
