Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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