textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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