Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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