So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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