Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
