and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
