at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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