you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
