I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
