too bad you live with your parents still
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
