the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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